For the love of

I have so much love for the men in my life. 

My amazing Husband and my amazing son both bring me so so much joy and make me smile so much. I will have three special men in my life soon and I just cant wait, but ultimately I don't have a choice. But for now I will just enjoy the two beautiful men that I have and just sit and wait for the third. 

Not many people talk about this but I am not ashamed I am just sad. When I was in America I was treated for a brain tumor with both chemo and radiation. It was not until I was quite far through my treatment that I found out that I had been pregnant and at the time it did not affect me that I had to abort a fetus of 15 weeks for the sake of my health and the baby's. I have since seen my beautiful Hastings be born and grow I have seen my next baby's 12 and 20 week ultrasound. At 12 weeks I saw little arms and legs, fingers and toes, and a kicking little baby. I will never be able to get that image out of my head. I have cried so many tears for that baby that was never born. At the time I was all for choice all for a woman being in control of her own body but knowing that that little thing that could have turned into a Hastings or any other little thing just brings tears to my eyes. I know medically our baby would have suffered immense pain and a high chance of deformity but that is no justification. I think if you have never had a baby you may see the value in abortion but once you have seen the results of what could have been you cant help but disagree with the idea. I have now had one abortion one healthy baby one miscarriage at 10 weeks and am now pregnant with a second healthy baby. I never want to experience an abortion or a miscarriage again and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

Here is my two amazing men. I will never forget the two I never got to meet but I focus mainly on the two amazing men I have.